the giving of gifts and the receiving of stress?
[Consider this (long and, sorry!, wordy) post a Public Service Announcement to anyone making their own holiday gifts this year]
I don’t know about you, but I tend to make most of my holiday presents. One year I was working at an upscale specialty grocery store and was walking one of the customers out with her truffles and champagne and other imported iterms, when the subject of gifts came around. When I mentioned that I was making all of my gifts, her eyes turned to sadness and she placed a $5 tip in my hand.
I hate how sometimes I feel guilty about making my own holiday presents. It’s ludicrous! I’m a crafter! But still, each year, there’s a part of me that is worried that my gifts may not be as well received as flashy store-bought ones. Even after all my writing and shows and presents, there is still a part of me that sways to the beat of consumerism. The fortunate thing is that this materialistic side of me is waning, determined to beat the odds.
My handmade gifts are not only a present to the reciever, but a present to myself as well. Each one teaches me a little bit more and makes me think about who’s going to be given the present in question. Each year, the creation of handmade gifts allows me to revel in the goodness that others have brought into my life.
As I was perusing Art and Fear earlier today, I came across this:
“The world displays perfect neutrality on whether we achieve any outward manifestation of our inner desires. But not art. Art is exquisitely responsive. Nowhere is feedback so absolute as in the making of art. The work we make, even if unnoticed and undesired by the world, vibrates in perfect harmony to everything we put into it- or withhold from it. In the outside world there may be no reaction to what we do; in our artwork there is nothing but reaction.
The breathtakingly wonderful thing about this reaction is its truthfulness. Look at your work and it tells you how it is when you hold back or when you embrace. When you are lazy, your art is lazy; when you hold back, it holds back; when you hesitate, it stands there staring, hands in its pockets. But when you commit, it comes on like blazes.”
If you’re out there making holiday gifts right now, keep trusting in yourself, so beautiful things can follow.
Explore posts in the same categories: creativity+community
December 12th, 2006 at 4:55 am
i also prefer the handmade things over generic store-bought items because it’s so much more personal. and frankly, i know many people who can make amazing things with their hands so getting gifts from them are always a treat.
when you think about it, all great art was made “by hand”, right? ;-)
i adore all your creations. don’t let the others get to you.
xx,
a.
December 12th, 2006 at 5:55 am
I really love the last line of the quote you used from Art and Fear…thank you for sharing this. :) Peace
December 12th, 2006 at 6:29 am
I can totally relate to this dilemma. I have actually been embarrassed to see all the stuff I made for my sister at her home. Feeling like,” Jeez.. don’t I ever just pony up and buy you something nice?”
It’s true that some years I hvae done well with the handmade and other years I held back and it is probably those years that embarrass me.
Great post. Thanks.
December 12th, 2006 at 6:31 am
I have the same fears, every year, when I work on gifts. I can’t stop asking, “Are they going to like it?” Even though I love handmade gifts the best, I’m positive that what I make will look pitiful and cheap next to the shiny, perfect, expensive things under the tree, and I know that my little oddities can be an acquired taste. But like you, I learn something with each object I make, and I love making things for people, giving from my inner self, and thinking about each individual as I do it.
December 12th, 2006 at 6:51 am
timing! I have just posted about what I am making the family this year, including the kids! they are still young enough to enjoy it and the rest of the family, fortunately, enjoy what I create so I am lucky. I think the secret with handmade is not to waste it on people who don’t appreciate the work involved, no matter how hard you work you can’t reach those kind of people and they are the ones who make us feel bad about our work, STAY AWAY from them! Merry “handmade” Christmas Everyone!
December 12th, 2006 at 7:01 am
This post is really resonating with me. Thank you for affirming what I really believe, but have been strugling with this season. I am comitted to handmade gifts. From time to time, if I feel there is just nothing I can create for a person on my gift list, I will buy handmade goods from others. It gives me other options and I a way to support other artists.
December 12th, 2006 at 7:11 am
Hi Betsy
I think that this post is going to resonate with a lot of readers. thank you for sharing your fears with us. I know for myself that I don’t give everyone home made gifts, some people just don’t appreciate them, I only put that much time and effort and love into something for someone who will understand and love it.
December 12th, 2006 at 7:19 am
I agree with some of the others. I would only make things for those who will appreciate them.
I only give handmade gifts to those I think will wear/use them. If they will not accept a HANDMADE gift from me, they will get nothing,
Don’t get me wrong. I still purchase gifts. If I see something that I think will be perfect for someone, I will buy it. But only if they are the type that will accept ANY gift that I give them. If they are not willing to accept the handmade, they will get nothing because I don’t think that they know what Xmas is all about.
In my eyes, anything that I can make you is worth more than anything I can purchase for you at some store.
December 12th, 2006 at 7:41 am
Thank you for this…
Some time ago, I had a conversation with my sister-in-law. We were sharing our plans for that holiday season. When I asked what kinds of things she was hoping for, she looked thoughtful for a moment. Then she looked at me sadly and said, “Oh, that’s right. You like to make things.” Never again. From that year on, I gave her a gift card for $10 and gave everyone else wonderful handmade gifts from my heart.
I, too, meditate on the person, their lives, and my good wishes for them while working on their gift. Much thought and love goes into each stitch. :o}
December 12th, 2006 at 10:19 am
here here! Betsy. Perfect.
December 12th, 2006 at 10:51 am
Thank you for sharing the book passage. It was so affirming and just what I needed to hear right now! I treasure hand-made gifts, and I give them only to those who will also treasure them.
December 12th, 2006 at 6:38 pm
Handmade presents comes with so much more thought and love, I prefer that. Love the quote you found, it’s beautiful.
December 12th, 2006 at 8:57 pm
I’m making and making and making holiday gifts right now. Mostly for my kids and my friends - many of my (husband’s) family get bought gifts as the level of appreciation is underwhelming. You know how when you give someone something you made and they say - “oh that’s nice…” - in my mind I say “next year…GIFTCARD” check out my list and help me with your cheers because I’ve got a long way to go.
http://www.ignoremeitseasier.com
http://www.amyde.etsy.com
December 12th, 2006 at 10:31 pm
In a bookstore I once found a cute little book of witty cartoons and truisms. I was all set to buy it when I turned to a page that said “Nobody wants your handmade crap.” I put it back on the shelf.
I agree that the real art is knowing who will genuinely appreciate a handmade gift, and which people not to bother spending the time on.
December 12th, 2006 at 10:53 pm
Loved your post! Here’s a great quote to inspire us all: “We need the handmade to balance the mind-numbingly similar machine-made things around us, things that can only express the efficiency and speed with which they were produced. Craft makes our homes more human. We sense the time, care, and skill that went into the making…it speaks of the concentration and love with which the object was made…it carries the imprint of the hands that made it.” Ilse Crawford
December 12th, 2006 at 11:44 pm
I just wrote about the conflict I have with consumerism and holiday giving. http://momcast.blogspot.com/2006/12/tis-season-to-be-conflicted.html
I’ve been moving toward entirely handmade gifts for the last few years. This year, however, since we are newly poor and unable to particiapte in the holiday consumerism, the importance of handmade gift giving is becoming more important and the unappealing-ness of consumerism that much more in focus.
This year my crafting is in part due to my financial situation. But, ultimately I believe that giving of ones time and creativity is far more valuable than purchasing stuff at a store.
December 13th, 2006 at 12:18 am
An excellent post! I always crack up when people think a handmade gift is a cheap way out. I’ve made a number of gifts that would be ample evidence that if I were looking for the cheapest route, Target would have been far easier on my wallet. And that’s without factoring in a charge for my time at minimum wage.
December 13th, 2006 at 12:29 am
I always think the best gifts consider the giver. My sister doesn’t appreciate handmade or antique “in the family” hand-me-downs really at all. I’m pretty sure if I ever made her something for her home it would have to be color coordinated to her room, to a T and then it may not even be displayed. But that is her, and so I usually consider that for birthdays and holidays, and try to think of things she does like. When you know the receiver appreciates handmade, it gives your creativity wings to fly, because you know that they’ll love it just because you made it (and maybe even a little bit because it really LOOKS good.)
Good post!
December 13th, 2006 at 12:35 am
Thank you, I really needed to read that right about now! This will help to re-invigorate my spirit so that I can finish up my handmade presents with gusto.
Best of luck to everyone with all of your handmade gifts!!!
December 13th, 2006 at 1:20 am
Thank you for sharing your fears. I make most of my Christmas gifts, and I also have occasional doubts. BUT - my youngest daughter who has told me in the past that she did not want “some old MADE stuff” is making me a gift this year. You can turn the hearts of some recipients, although it takes time. Like many, I only give the handmade to those who will see the extra love that went into it. (or my children, who get at least one handmade thing every year and have learned to appreciate it)
December 13th, 2006 at 5:50 am
Hmmmmm……I love getting handmade things and wish more of my freinds and family would just make me something. I am making all my gifts to people this year and would have it no other way. Store bought is so impersonal and I decided to not be a drone to the commercialized industry. It sounds rude but I cringe when I get a store bought gift consisting of cheesy jewelery or things I dont like. If someone accepts my handmade gift with disdain then they can keep it or give it to someone else who will appreciate it. Rock on all you cool handmade artists…….its what the world needs….. :)
December 13th, 2006 at 6:29 am
Yes, please, keep making those handmade gifts! It’s a wonderful thing, IMHO. I’m a crafty person and often make my gifts. I know not everyone appreciates them, even if they would retail for a lot of money. (And I normally can’t spend a lot on everyone’s gifts!) I try to customize what I make and make it special for every person.
And you know what? I would LOVE it if I got handmade things!
December 14th, 2006 at 2:03 am
in past years I have knitted gifts for in-laws which I now look back on as a complete waste. didn’t matter what it was or made of.
This year my family & his are getting homemade apple butter, spiced grape jelly & peppermint hot cocoa mix. The cost is only slightly less then purchased gifts but I am looking at these as consumable as a good way. I decided not to do any cookies or candy this year due to comments in past years about ‘was I trying to make them gain weight’ when I gave cookies at the holidays.
December 14th, 2006 at 9:36 am
Thank you for the quotation–truly food for thought. As for handmade gifts, I’ve been there, done that. Now I make things for people only if I want to do the work for my own satisfaction or need to create. Selfish I know. But I’m not young, and I feel like I have more money than time. Time for creativity is precious to me, and I won’t use it on people who won’t appreciate it. This is not to belittle your work at all; it’s just that we’re probably at a different point in life.
December 14th, 2006 at 7:19 pm
I’ve thought about this post for a long time. It’s brought me out of lurk-dom! I too, make gifts, and it is interesting that there are those who “get-it” and those who don’t. Usually a creative-minded (though not always a crafter!) person. I agree with those above, I usually make for those who will appreciate, though not always. I try for spirit and soul in my creations, even if it’s a smaller, easier item that’s made. I guess it’s an easy way out, but it is dissapointment to put your hand/mind/spirit into something that is dismissed. It would be a great honor to receive anything handmade, either from someone I know or not..excellent post, thanks.
December 14th, 2006 at 11:02 pm
I do agree with what Kay says, though. My time is precious, so I only give homemade gifts to people I know care about that kind of thing…everyone else just gets storebought stuff.
December 15th, 2006 at 4:54 am
I do agree about the relatives not appreciating handmade things…..I guess that would be good consideration for getting them a gift card or something. I might even do what Rachel does…..make some cocoa mixes..something easy and quick and hopefully with few complaints….and I agree with Jennifer..i would be in heaven if everyone got me handmade gifts..I cant wait till my little one can go to school and make me things…:)
December 15th, 2006 at 5:39 am
This is the first Holiday season where I am knitting all my gifts and this very fear runs through me every time I finish up an item. Thank you for this post. It’s very much needed encouragement at this time.
December 15th, 2006 at 8:41 am
art and fear is one of my most treasured reads! and you picked a perfect quote from it. i hope your holiday stresses turn into holiday happiness!
December 15th, 2006 at 1:51 pm
After reading this post and the previous 29 comments, I have come to the conclusion that I’ve always worried that the things I make aren’t “special” enough to the people who know me, and thus are most likely to receive handmade gifts. For example, before my husband and I were married, but only 6 days after we moved into our first house, I painted a 3×5 canvas for his birthday, with him and our new love in mind. I nearly made myself sick with worry regarding how he would react. To my skittish mind, I though he might think, ’she could do this anytime, why bother to make a gift of it.’ I suppose I hold that fear each time I make something, whether for gifts or for sale — I do not have the resources of a multinational company, so what makes me think that I could pass my things on to others? I’m getting over that feeling, but it sticks much more than I would like.
December 16th, 2006 at 2:30 am
I just found this blog today and this post, as others have said, comes just in time. I wish I could make all my gifts but with working full-time and part-time its just not possible. So, each year I buy some and make some or do some for other holidays. As far as I can tell most of the recipients seem to love what I make. I also think most people are more responsive to handcrafted gifts except for certain label conscious people which luckily aren’t in my group of relatives and friends. My husband loves for me to make gifts for his family as well as make food gifts with me to give to friends. Also, since my mom died I have this sense of responsibility to carry on the tradition of making gifts. It just seems more like Christmas when you make things for your home and for those you love. It is the thought that counts and how great you feel when you make something out of love.