from the archives: gift giving
The angst that is involved in gift giving in the holiday season is not diminished by taking the handmade option.
Some parts of the angst have disappeared such as the worry about becoming a rampant consumer and dealing with the crowds at the mall. And I always get so angry about the enormous amounts of packaging that seems to surround kids toys. And the price of everything is maddening especially when you know that the item is made in a factory in China and those getting the profits are not those who are making the goods. The day after Christmas when the toys fall apart and are tossed in the rubbish and all the little bits fall off everything and the item suddenly is useless – when the batteries are not included and you end up with piles of rubbish to throw away – so crazy
There is no love in going to the mall, all sweaty and stressed, searching for that perfect gift and then compromising anyway. There is no feeling in all the plastic packaging and the pimply shop assistants who don’t care. Many people become a Scrooge and choose not to celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah or Solstice or whatever your holiday celebration is at this time of year. But I just don’t see that as the answer.
Choosing to make something (or buy something that has been lovingly made from an artist or crafter) is one way of bypassing the commercial holiday experience, and not adding to the environmental damage. You are saying that giving in the holiday season is more than just stuff and things and spending money, it is love and joy and being part of something better in the world.
But that does not diminish the angst of giving. The angst of whether the person you are giving your beautiful handmade, thoughtful gift to, the gift that you have spent time and love making, is going to love it like you do, is going to appreciate it as it should be appreciated. The truth is that most of them will not realise how much work you have put in – especially if they do not make things themselves, and if they are not going to appreciate it – and they don’t need another handmade scarf/hat/bag then what is the point of giving it to them. Giving, I think, is about feeling good about what you have given but also equally about knowing that the person you are giving it to will love it, appreciate it and actually use it. It might be more environmentally friendly and in tune with the person receiving the gift to give them a book or music voucher or purchasing something from a fairtrade community co-op.
Another thing to consider is whether you have the time and the emotional stamina to make gorgeous handmade gifts for all your loved ones. In our family – amongst the adults we have put a price limit on gifts and a time limit too – we are realistic – for children though we are a little more generous – while at the same time ensuring that Christmas lives up to its promises, we don’t wish it to be the commercial bonanza that is depicted on tv. For the children the holiday season should be about fun and family and celebration, personal traditions, cooking and preparation and the anticipation is a big part of it – - but too many presents on Christmas morning can be emotionally exhausting.
So while you may want to give handmade this holiday season – don’t wear yourself out, don’t make it a stressful holiday by taking on too much. Be realistic, set yourself limits, be easy on yourself and make this holiday more about the joy and fun of Christmas than about the perfect gift.

December 21st, 2009 at 7:51 am
What you say is so true, and so very sensible.
December 21st, 2009 at 9:24 am
That is exactly how I feel about the whole thing, you expressed it so perfectly! I was even thinking about writing something about this on my blog these days…
December 21st, 2009 at 12:42 pm
Nice essay, Kath. This year I feel more innundated with advertising and sale offers than I ever have before. It’s hard to step back and focus on what I really think would work. If I get confused again I will remember your smart advice.
December 21st, 2009 at 1:07 pm
I agree that making your own gifts does not completely rid you of holiday angst. This is the second holiday I have agreed to make mostly handmade items, and again I find myself watching people open my gifts with that mix of excitement, dread and anticipation that I’m going to get the awkward, “Oh. . . how nice” which really means, “I wanted a Target gift card.”
I always get all stressed out that people are going to wish I had bought something instead of making it, but my husband always reminds me that a.)no one has complained yet, b.)most of the people I give these gifts to don’t DIY and are fascinated by it and c.)I’m giving them a gift, and if they can’t be grateful for it then they might not get one next year.
I try to remind myself of these things, and luckily, so far no one has indicated they want that Target gift card.
December 21st, 2009 at 4:23 pm
So, so true!
December 21st, 2009 at 6:48 pm
Last week I hit the wall with Christmas gift making – for my mum, my mother in law, my two daughters, my niece and nephew. I had in my mind this perfectly magical handcrafted christmas, showing my family I loved them through my handmade gifts. In reality I was irritable with my children because I was too busy and tired with making their gifts – not really what I had in mind, nor the sentiment I was trying to create!!
Have stepped back, simplified some projects, given up on others and decided to be happy to give some half complete with a promise to finish them in the new year. I am so much more sane and nicer to be with!!! Thank you for reminding me I have done the right thing!!
December 22nd, 2009 at 1:32 pm
This needed to be said, so thank you for saying it! In the last few years I made rule: no handknits for Xmas gifts, unless the person will absolutely love it to the point of tears (I do know such people). What a relief.
December 22nd, 2009 at 7:15 pm
So, so, true. I delegate that to my husband. At some point the holidays he makes me write down everything I “think” I’m going to do during the holidays; from knitting and crocheting for family and friends, to the new ornaments I want to make, and then there’s the baking and candy making….yea. He make me write EVERYTHING down. Then I have to pick my top 5. I always do a few more on the sly but it helps me to not spin out of control.
December 22nd, 2009 at 8:46 pm
Thanks so much. I NEEDED this post right now…phew!